Last Sunday we celebrated my inspiring, sparkling friend Joan’s 90th birthday. As we were taking leave, she told me to write another blog, that she found them useful. When Joan commands (very gently), I obey :))
In my last blog, I mentioned my urge to move forward into new vistas. I kept telling myself that I must find a way to get more quiet inside, so that I could be more receptive. Well, let me tell you how that unfolded.
I went to a wonderful retreat place, The Well of Mercy, with my friend Marion Z. With her help, I was able to be with the trees, touch them, lean against them. The golf cart made it possible to go down long beautiful trails and to walk into the stations off the trails. In Japan people are doing ‘tree bathing’ for the many good effects trees have on us. No news to most of us. But, I can’t find the words to express the feeling, the joy to be with the trees…not just look at them or walk by them.
While there, I also finally walked barefooted on grass a couple times. Having to move slowly, I did the Thich Nhat Hanh smiling, walking meditation. Such a high. For over a year I’ve yearned to do this….And then the six sided chapel in the woods, up in the trees, with windows all around, and sounding a large singing bowl. You can just imagine that sound and vibration…So much more, but you get the idea. When we left, I felt so peaceful and uplifted. But, I did not achieve the innner quiet I anticipated.
Pretty quickly I found myself in old familiar grooves of thinking and patterns of being. Reminding myself to pay exquisite attention, I stopped fighting my interest to read about and listen to the amazing new emerging information in science, health, consciousness research, quantum healing and more. These are the seeds being planted in the compost of my life to this point. I find that my mind needs regular feeding. Otherwise, it simply keeps churning around things way past the expiration date.
At the moment, it seems I’m to release my preconceived notion of what inner quiet is for me. Not being preoccupied with past, anything, is one requirement. It is calmly pursuing the new which comes to me, and there is plenty of that. I notice this is activating dormant, waiting to emerge, inner knowing, new ways of perceiving, interpreting. As you see, the words are not there yet to express my experience clearly. It will come, as this all continues to unfold.
Most important, I continue to find my strongest receptivity when meditating or sitting in silence with others. The Presence is almost palpable at those times and there is a very heightened sense of awareness.. Maybe that is actually the inner silence I’m seeking. It is all very fascinating. It never occurred to me that what I called inner silence is possibly experienced in some yet to be discovered way. So far it is clearly not emptiness.
OK friend Joan and all of you, what say you to all this?
In Light and Love, Hedi