#24 Still in Search for Inner Calm

It truly has been too long, waiting to reach a continuous inner calm before writing another blog. Once again, I’m reminded of the fact that, there are always ebbs and flows in my life. That achieving a desired state is momentary and then the cycle begins all over again, hopefully with some gained insight.

As I said in my last blog, the inner excitement of new discoveries was taxing my body. That state of feeling driven to the next enticing new bit of information, generally, all related to the quantum field, kept me going pretty much fast forward inwardly.

Having cut down drastically on my Facebook time, and trimming away what seemed reasonable, I found myself caught up in ‘having to’ get more calm. Pressure, pressure. This finally struck me as ridiculous.

Then I thought to do only what I felt like doing. Enjoying the simple every dayness of my day. Sipping tea on the balcony, watching the flowers and leaves in the wind, observing the sun patterns in the house through out the day, enjoying music, chanting/singing and most of all having friends come to visit. I am so blessed with the most loving beings in my life. Continuing with the Celtic Psalter as well as daily reflections in Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening, most days, and more. Peaceful days.

Eventually though, I found myself with a kind of restlessness and slipped into some old habits of mind. This observation led me to reflect further. The upshot seems to be, finding a way to live in two worlds simultaneously. I absolutely love the simple things of daily life and being in it with consciousness, awake. There is at the same time an awareness of solar systems, galaxies, the stars, the quantum field; that this lovely moment is a speck in the great hum of the quantum field; that everything is alive; that I am a part of all that is. And somehow this moment is a convergence of an unimaginable number of forces, creating this moment and the next and the one after that, on and on. When I sink into this realization deeply, all I can say is that it blows my mind, the miracle of it, the beauty of it.

At present, I’m experimenting with what will support my navigating these two worlds simultaneously. Being in the middle of a conversation and finding myself connecting that with some quantum concept and flying off in my mind has its challenges. But it is also quite interesting and fascinating. One thing I definitely have learned. For a while it will be better not to talk too much about this and focus first on grounding my own experience further.

So, that’s it for this moment. May all of yours be full of delight and fascination too.

In Light and Love, Hedi

4 thoughts on “#24 Still in Search for Inner Calm

  1. I relate to what you said “I found myself caught up in ‘having to’ get more calm.
    Pressure, pressure. This finally struck me as ridiculous.”
    For me calm comes unexpectedly, not when I seek it. Calm came to me on a recent trip to Wrightsville Beach (though I suppose the very trip may have been seeking it!)

    Gift from the Sea

    It is my gift today
    It came gradually
    It was unexpected.

    The day was cold
    Bundled in my hoodie
    I walked along the lonely shore
    Little drops of rain came
    Twice I turned back
    But something inside me knew
    That a gift was waiting
    So I walked on …

    Memories and reflections came
    Of the lives of my beloved and me
    And of our plan
    What she knew
    And I am to learn …

    The tide was low
    Areas of dry sand left by the retreating waves
    Were an invitation
    Time stopped, there was no hurry
    As I lingered with the sand and the wind and the waves
    And I knew the course of my life to come
    Not the content but the quality
    Life lived in each precious moment
    No anxiety about the moments to come
    A gift from the sea
    For my beloved and me.


  2. Thanks for these comments, Hedi. Always good food for thought, and a lovely poem from Robert, wow! I am struggling with some version of this issue as I continue to settle into retirement. It is hard to let go of the notion of completing a “productive” day! The Puritan’s would be proud of me, as I have done a good job of inculcating their ethic — ha ha. I find I have to be faithful to my efforts to allow myself time for reading and reverie. Less is more!


    1. Helene, Yes, these transition times are so wonderful in helping to bring our patterns to the surface. How good it is that you are awake to what is going on. It helps in making space for the unexpected next unfolding to emerge. I’m all ears to hear how that will come about for you. Especially I commend you for pursuing more reverie. And of course, I’m always open to playing you know what when you just want to luxuriate in in endless play. Of course I’m talking about RummiKub. There are other choices too:))
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Love, Hedi


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