It sort of sneaked up on me, the moment of recognition. It happened in the process of preparing a flier for the retreat I’ll be conducting in the spring. I listed my name, added MSN and stopped. There used to be more credentials. A while back I decided not to renew my Social Work license. Then it was time for the board certification five year renewal, as an advance practice nurse in Mental Health Psychiatric Nursing. I decided not to do that either. My RN license met the same fate. This year I dropped my membership in the American Nurses Association to which I belonged for over 50 years.
My name looked bare without the alphabet soup behind it. It’s not like it was news to me. I made conscious, thoughtful choices not to continue the various licenses. However, at this moment I was moved to reflect on what exactly I was feeling. No, it was not sadness. No, there were no regrets. No sense of wishing it was different or that this was not my 80th year. So what is it, I asked myself.
Then it slowly found its way all through me and I laughed. I felt FREE and light and relieved. No more continuing education classes, no more checks to write with each renewal. No more self imposed pressures of all kinds.
I felt a surge of energy at that moment and realized that, I was entering a new cycle of my life. It did not matter whether it’s for a long time or a short time. I am full of curiosity what this time I have left will be about. After my cancer about 40 years ago, I did not expect to get old. As it turns out, I have the chance to adventure on this side of life too. This journey is quite something, isn’t it. I feel the hand of the Divine in all of it and am ever grateful for that.
In Light and Love, Hedi